NO WILL TO DO ANYTHING SYNDROME {NWTDA}

NO WILL TO DO ANYTHING ! 
Yeah , this syndrome ! Well really its a culmination of two three diseases . One , the exams are over . Second, you are awaiting results . Third , your student life is over . you are finally a law graduate . Fourth , you are hoping to get a job and make an independent living while your dad is all freaked out because of old societal dogmas and a logic that i will run away with someone . Oh god ... seriously !! cant i run away from Jammu itself . Anyways once a jerk always a jerk ( dont judge me with a moral disease okkk!!!)

And lastly when you are writer , you know what a writer's block is . well , my mind is totally blank . No idea ... nothing at all . 

So the post student life as many purport should be fun and mostly catching up on the things that you always wanted to do . well then thats what i am doing . SLEEEPINGGGGG..... 

Well yeah apart from sleeping and just reading some stuff i have virtually shut my eyes n ears on anything thats happening in the outside world . pretty difficult for me to beleive in given the fact that that i am a news maniac . 
He is away so more n more added peaks of idiotic frustration , though i am really surprised as to from where did this patience and sensibility enter my head . May be just the perks of being an army girlfriend . ya ya ... be strong ! thats how the mantra goes . Well then i have never been this strong and mature before . Its been terrible five days since the last call .... thanks to poor network and Indian army but koi na ... HUM BHI HAIN JOSH MEIN !!!! 
Reverting back to the primitive means of communication ... letter writing . yeah ... see told ya ... ITS PRIMITIVE !!!! 

Anyways ... hoping to get the job , moving to delhi soon and .... READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD ALL BY MYSELF ... WITH SLEEPY DREAMY EYES AND A BIG WIDEEEEEEE SMILEEEEEE !!!!!!

DILEMMA

Good morning.. People of the earth ....

No poetry no prose .... I am here with just a confession of a human who is not scared to be scared . Who finds it utterly difficult to claim with boastful confidence that ,"I ain't scared of anything". 

I have dilemmas , fears , incompetences ... We all have them . 
Isn't it like some points of time in our lives we feel too weak n timid . Its not about the fear of not being able to do things ... Its the confusion of not knowing in the first place about what you can and what you can't do .

You have lived in a comfortable cocoon of your own and though you so desperately want to shake off n break free from the trap .... A tiny lil part of you pulls you back ... Coaxing ...yes I think coaxing you into a thought that its all warm n safe here ... The outside world is bad and harsh and cruel and a lot of other creepy things that you have been told ....
That lil teeny weeny pricky thought tells you that you have lived 22 years of your life in a particular way ...u should be mad to even think that you can do things that are challenging , tough and far beyond your comfort zone ....
And amidst all your hi fi talks n preachings u look at this tiny thought ... That rascal gives you a devilish smile ... Knowing that he has got your nerve ....

And you land up in a dilemma ... A pool of weakness and under confidence ... Trying to justify it by your so called rationality and practicality ....

That you don't know whether you will be able to face challenges ... Be itphysicsl or mental ...
Wether you will be able to hold your head up high despite innumerable insults you would receive ...
Wether you will b able to put up courage despite being thrashed and beaten every time ...
Wether you will be able to hold back tears in the tough times of pain and suffering...
Wether you will emerge glorious...

Your mind says ...don't be stupid ...just let it go ....
But your wretched heart says ," how can you back off ...you hv just one life ...how cn u not test yourself... How can you let go of an experience no matter bad or good ... How can u spend the rest of your life in regret of not doing a thing just coz you were too scared to do it ".

And the saga continues n so does my dilemma
But somewhere I realise that its our own battle ...EACH ONE OF US ... N noone can help us but ourselves ....
I don't know the answer ....
But I think for now its best to just sit back n work n let the things unfold themselves ...

#Athena
#dilemma

CHANGING SPECTRUM OF HOME

CHANGING SPECTRUMS OF HOME
-ATHENA

A step taken from there , a step put here,

a feeling of leaving things , a feeling of seeking experiences

few days when i missed my strings back home , now the coming day when i miss the strings i have tied here ,

i seek where was my home ,

the place i came from …

the place i lived …

the place i learnt from …

or the place that comforted me ….

home is where the heart is ,

home is where my longing is …

home is where ur arms are ….

home is in the embrace …

home is is my brother’s pranks …

home is in her lap …

home is this life which teaches me every waking second

and engulfs me in dreams …

every sleeping hour