DILEMMA

Good morning.. People of the earth ....

No poetry no prose .... I am here with just a confession of a human who is not scared to be scared . Who finds it utterly difficult to claim with boastful confidence that ,"I ain't scared of anything". 

I have dilemmas , fears , incompetences ... We all have them . 
Isn't it like some points of time in our lives we feel too weak n timid . Its not about the fear of not being able to do things ... Its the confusion of not knowing in the first place about what you can and what you can't do .

You have lived in a comfortable cocoon of your own and though you so desperately want to shake off n break free from the trap .... A tiny lil part of you pulls you back ... Coaxing ...yes I think coaxing you into a thought that its all warm n safe here ... The outside world is bad and harsh and cruel and a lot of other creepy things that you have been told ....
That lil teeny weeny pricky thought tells you that you have lived 22 years of your life in a particular way ...u should be mad to even think that you can do things that are challenging , tough and far beyond your comfort zone ....
And amidst all your hi fi talks n preachings u look at this tiny thought ... That rascal gives you a devilish smile ... Knowing that he has got your nerve ....

And you land up in a dilemma ... A pool of weakness and under confidence ... Trying to justify it by your so called rationality and practicality ....

That you don't know whether you will be able to face challenges ... Be itphysicsl or mental ...
Wether you will be able to hold your head up high despite innumerable insults you would receive ...
Wether you will b able to put up courage despite being thrashed and beaten every time ...
Wether you will be able to hold back tears in the tough times of pain and suffering...
Wether you will emerge glorious...

Your mind says ...don't be stupid ...just let it go ....
But your wretched heart says ," how can you back off ...you hv just one life ...how cn u not test yourself... How can you let go of an experience no matter bad or good ... How can u spend the rest of your life in regret of not doing a thing just coz you were too scared to do it ".

And the saga continues n so does my dilemma
But somewhere I realise that its our own battle ...EACH ONE OF US ... N noone can help us but ourselves ....
I don't know the answer ....
But I think for now its best to just sit back n work n let the things unfold themselves ...

#Athena
#dilemma

CHANGING SPECTRUM OF HOME

CHANGING SPECTRUMS OF HOME
-ATHENA

A step taken from there , a step put here,

a feeling of leaving things , a feeling of seeking experiences

few days when i missed my strings back home , now the coming day when i miss the strings i have tied here ,

i seek where was my home ,

the place i came from …

the place i lived …

the place i learnt from …

or the place that comforted me ….

home is where the heart is ,

home is where my longing is …

home is where ur arms are ….

home is in the embrace …

home is is my brother’s pranks …

home is in her lap …

home is this life which teaches me every waking second

and engulfs me in dreams …

every sleeping hour

MEASURING THE ROAD TO LEH

HOW TO PLAN A MOTORCYCLE TRIP TO LEH
                                                       -Ambika 
"There is no happiness for him who does not travel ... Therefore , wander !"
                                                                                     -Aitareya Brahmana, rig veda 
A journey onto the highest roads of the world , through the most rugged terrain , all in search of the most self challenging version of you , finding your soul through  the breathtaking and landscapes ... Welcome to leh ! And the adventure increases manifold if its a motorcycle trip . 
The best time to undertake the journey is from May to October .As for the budget , it would cost approximately between 30, 000 - 50,000 INR depending upon the accomadation one takes up. Since much of the trip cosists of daunting weather conditions , it is well advised to check upon one's physical fitness before undertaking the journey . Also one should be well equipped with a well equipped first aid kit and good quality woolens to keep you warm as most of the time you will be camping under the stars . It is also imperative to take a postpaid sim along with you as prepaid sims of other states donot work in Jammu and Kashmir . 
 At an altitude of about 13000 feet and above in the himalyas the distance that one can cover depends upon the roads and weather conditions and also the stops that one takes to halt en route . The best take would be to reach Delhi as the first stop and then to proceed towards Kullu either via a taxi or a bus as the flights can be pretty unpredictable due to bad weather conditions . from here the most advisable option is to take a taxi to Manali as that would be your next stop . From manali starts the motorcycle ride .
 After the enchanting climb of over 13,051 feet and 52 kms of lush green mountanious terrain  we arrive at the Rohtang Pass . After Rohtang one reaches the Chandra Valley and goes on to reach Tandi - the only place along the entire highway that has a petrol pump . Fill up your tanks and reserves in containers as well . The next stop where we halt is Jipsa which is 32 kms from Tandi thus ending the day's ride . 
From Jispa , next day we move on towards Sarchu, the next stop . The route comprises of small mountain lakes and breathtaking landscapes and also the second high altitude pass Barcha-la , the origin of the rivers Chandra , Bhagha and Yunam at 16,500 ft . Sarchu is a plain area and and snowbound for most of the year . in absense of any permanent buildings one can just well camp out in the open . 
From Sarchu onwards we enter the state of Jammu and Kashmir and here encounter the Gata Loops a succession of 21 hairpin bends . The other significant landscapes are those of Lachung La , Nakee La and leading towards the Changthang plateau . After a dirt and sand ridden track one reaches to the Tso Kar Lake , which is a freshwater and brackish lake and a refuge for both Indian and Tibetan nomads for winter months . This is the next halting stop for camping at the night . 
Day 5 begins with a ride from Tso Kar lake towards the Tso Moriri lake which is a distance of 60 kms . An extremely enchanting path that will take you to completely another world making you forget all the tiresome journey till now . The route has the magical three lakes , two high altitude passes Nalshang la and Pologonka la (16500 ft ) and a continuous stony track . so , just unwind , unfold your senses and click it up . a night of camping at the beautiful Tso Moriri lake  would just be the cherry on the cake ! 
Our last day ride upto Leh is a perfect lesson on how the nomadic tribes enroute have been living harmoniously with mother  nature . Especially the Changpa nomads are well known for the various innovative uses they make out of Yak products . the Yak wool tents in which they live , the yak milk tea are definitly some very amazing things that one gets to experience . The ride finally culminates onto Leh . This marks the end of the road trip . the various worth seeing sights around and in leh are Pangong Lake , Wari La , Nubra Valley , Khardung La . Worth mentioning is the heart thumping first view of the Pangong lake which appears suddenly as a cobalt blue meadow onto the rugged barren terrains of Leh .
 With the best of Leh etched onto your hearts take it all with you for a lifetime to come !
Wishing you a safe and happy journey ! 

HOME ENCOMPASSED

 






There was a time I believed in the existence of geographical boundaries , in the superiority of  a nation , in patriotism , in the phrase of "mera bharat mahan" . But then i reverted back to the sanskrit phrase "vasudhev kutumbakam". "the whole world is my home and now my definition of home has widened to encompass the entire universe . 

The universe ... the primordial om .. resides inside me , inside every one of us . from the high himalyas to the deep trenches , mankind leaves its footsteps on the face of the earth marking its journey from the little fumbling steps of the child to the faltering tongue of the old . and its the same everywhere . then how on earth can my love for mankind be restricted to a barbed fenced wired territory ? ? ? 
How can my duty to my home be limited to my country or my state for that matter ??? i am not saying you are wrong ... neither do i say that your definition is but what i ask is who sets the parameters of this definition ??? 

Your might mean your neighborhood or your city mine may have a wider definition ....  

                Home ....
                    from the house to the universe ,
                    from the neighborhood to the solar system ,
                    from the city to the earth ,
                    from the state to the continent ,
                    from the country to the sky , 
                    from the bonds of blood , to just someones heart ,
                    from comfort to outside the comfort zone ,
                    or may be ... well just may be ... 
                               INSIDE MY OWNSELF , LIES MY HOME ....



I carry my bags , my pen , my paper ...
i carry my shoes , my hat , my watch...
traversing the long unwinding paths ...
measuring the routes of skies ....
i hold your hand , walk besides you 
invisible to your eyes , still leaving footsteps on the sand ...

then where oh my friend , 
where is the home , 
in the arms of the one i love , 
in the pages of the book i read , 
in the little things he does for me ,
in the wide expanse of the sky that never leaves me uncovered , 
in the rain that washes away my tears , 
in the birds that bring the news of the distsnt land , 
in all my words that are like my child ....
or inside my heart and soul ...

WHERE O WHERE !!! LIES THIS PLACE CALLED HOME 
                                                  - ATHENA ( AMBIKA) 

A BOAT IN THE SEA

The end of another era . i m finally about to be a law graduate (well just about to ) and yet again i find myself in a sea . its always been the same . what entices me is never what i presently am in . this gripping growing sea around me is shrinking my boat a little more each day . somehow the indianness in my outlook has reduced . u know , that indian factor of going after a job that gives you prestige and no happiness . well , it has gone away for good .
well the status quo as of now is that i have qualified my written for the defence services and the bigger hurdle is the ssb . i am being warned against the perils of joining the army but thats ok ! they dont matter to me anymore , unless i am getting decently paid and sent to remote areas with lots of time to introspect , read , write and stay fit . moreover its just a matter of 10 years . well you say i spent 5 years slogging in the law school .
i have an ALMOST job waiting at an LPO . Again i dont mind till i get pid decently .

i am being expected to prepare for civil services … well i too want to do that , but somehow i know its just the chase of qualifying the exam that entices me and not the real job . well if money is all that i am looking for then not a bad option . right ?

now before you think i am a money minded bitch , let me just add on the detail that through all of these jobs all i seek is to travel , or may be just accumalate finances to be able to travel .

well then that puts me back to my boat . all i wanna do is travel and write . i might as well do it for myself . and yes the idea of working like a slave for filling someone’s coffers is enough to enrage me .

the only part where i am not gonna compromise is LIVING THE LIFE MY WAY

– ambika (athena)

p.s- i am letting the winds determine the course for the time being . till then … lemme just blog :0

THE LUCKY BASTARD

THE LUCKY BASTARD
© ATHENA
LUCKY BASTARD
Its a small world out there,
A small world just tangled in million threads ,
The threads of destiny , of ego , of hatred , of mere oblivion ...
And we the various knots in the threads ...
As we walk upon the face of the earth,
We entangle ourselves more and more ...
Entangled in notions preconceived,
Entangled in responsibilities we heed,
Entangled in our Instincts of mere lust and attraction ,
Entangled in chase of desperation ,
They say detachment gives happiness ,
They say desires breed all pain ,
But doesn't a corpse lie there fully detached ...
Devoid of pain , devoid of pleasure ...
Devoid of desire , devoid of treasure...
Let there be freedom in these knots ,
Let there be attachment to souls ,
Let there be detachment from the anger , hatred and ego that the world throws at you ,
Let there be freedom ...
To follow ur dreams ,
To just act in the spur of the moment ,
To write a letter to a person unknown ,
To forget the notions of shallow morality ,
To embrace the sense of spirituality,
To get a poem from someone ,
To completely lose oneself for a second ,
To feel as if the world has stopped ..
To let there be two smiles while the two people depart ...
To may be ...
Just may be ...
Be that lucky bastard !
 © Athena
1:02 am (6-06-2015)

ANOTHER "SEE YOU AGAIN"

     
         ANOTHER "SEE YOU AGAIN"
                                   
                        - ATHENA
I will have to begin this adventure, this dream,  from its end because as they say 'ends are new beginnings'. an afternoon which was an afternoon since the morning itself , where each second that ticked away was a reminiscent of the hours spent together and an ultimatum of the little time left . 
  And what made the afternoon worse was the distance , albeit a short one . a distance that she knew very well , could be  covered ... could be shortened ... could be vanished . 

and the volcano inside her needed just a flicker , just a syllable of his voice to seep , no , not seep ...to flow ... to rain through her cheeks . to rain through her heart , her soul .

"I am coming !" , she exclaimed 
" honey its too hot outside , and i cant meet for more than 5 minutes , and it would take you 1 hour to reach here " , came the voice .
"screw it all , no matter what i am coming !", she said with a conviction unshakable .

zip , zap , zoom and she was out on the road , trying to find something for him ... something that could symbolise and embody her prayers , her blessings for him , to keep him safe . 

and inside the crowded train somehow she squeezed herself to find a seat , took out a pen and could find no paper so just scribbled onto an old advertising paper and wrote a poem for him ... a last message before they could again hold each other after another 6 months . 

a halt onto a midway station and off she ran to luckily find a small portrait of lord krishna and what else did she need ... other than the lord himself , the soulmate of radha ... to pray for her love , to bless him , to keep him safe ffrom all that was about to happen . to keep her love safe .

and after 1.5 hours she got his glimpse. those impatient eyes , as if seeking what she had got for him kept on asking so many questions .
"you looking so fair , so much more cuter "
 "what have you got? " , he had asked 
"nothingggggg , stop snatching my bag , u shouldn't check a girl's bag ", she said while trying to stop him .
they hugged , held hands, and just tried to capture , to hold every single second that could make them feel alive by the touch of each other's skin ... and the soft texture of the skin ... it just seemed to traverse through her veins , into her blood and deep through her heart and into her soul ... and no matter how much she stopped those stupid drops from falling they just .. oh ! when have they ever listened to her ? they just fell . a lil here , a lil there . 

And after those few minutes , it was THE TIME ... the time to leave !

"may i go ? ", she said 
and those few seconds , she could never explain into a million words . His eyes ... !!!!

Eyes are strange things . 
a pair of eyes that were too common to belong to anyone special 
a pair of eyes that you could just mistake as belonging to everyone , 
and yet ! yet those pair of eyes were now her world ...
her reflection , her living embodiment of the love that she felt for her ,
those eyes that were her life , that just had a light ...
a light that could brighten her darkest nights , 
those eyes that were more royal to her than to him , 
that defied him and obeyed her , 
talking to her , revealing his moods , revealing every secret he wanted to hold back , 
moistening every land that he wanted to leave barren ....

His voice that said ," ok , please take care love ."
but eyes that pleaded ," dont go ! stay back ! and hands that just twitched in her palms ... hands that held her . 

i love you baby ! 
i love you too ! 
" promise me that you will write . that you will take care of yourself , u have my heart , take care of it and bring it back safely to me . ", she whispered . 


teary eyes , putting up a smile , pursing lips together , and a heavy breath she turned around 
and he stayed ... stayed... opened up that lil letter , that lil parcel .

she kept on looking back ... she kept on looking at her life ... her heart which belonged to him , only him !!!!

AND BEGINNING OF ANOTHER WAIT !!!

" AANKHON MEIN NMI , HASI LABON PE ...
   KYA HAAL HAI KYA DIKHA RHE HO " ....